For Dean, Robin and Ishiah

[godless_son]

He hopes this goes well.

He is keeping his promise to Ishiah and that is important, he knows Ishiah will find that important. He is not, however, with Dean's encouragement, willing to go to the same extremes he would have only a few years ago. He must think of the city, yes, but first he must think of Dean. And he must, for the first time, think of himself. If things go wrong, and he must be controlled, he wants to find a way to fix it that does not end in a body count, including his own.

He tightens his grip on Dean's hand and knocks, hoping Robin is here as well. He is strangely reassuring when Castiel is uneasy.

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[goodfella]

Robin's jaw tics, but he relaxes slightly, tan face growing slightly pale at the mention of a failure in the A-plan. Robin had experienced more than one of those already. Yet now, he can still remember the feel of caliban's fingers vice-tight around his throat, the red flash of eyes, the sound of Auphe spoken in his ear, sharp and grinding as broken glass being shived into his temples. His stomach gives a lurch. Robin ignores it.

He does want to be a good friend. But he wishes he weren't here. He doesn't want this responsibility. He would rather it had nothing to do with him; maybe it shouldn't.

A puck wasn't helpful, in these situations. If it came down to it, Robin's choice would always be his own skin over anything else His own skin, over Castiel's life, over Castiel's happiness. He'd turned his back on Caliban and Niko over Cherish. He would turn his back and run again, if he had to.

"I don't understand why we are talking about what to do if it gets worse when we should be talking about what to do to fix it. If we were talking about hypnosis, that's one thing. Teach Ishiah whatever spells you need to. Rely on him to stop you. I'll stay, and listen, quietly. But I am no hero. I am not volunteering for an obligation to potentially risk my own hide."

[godless_son]

"I don't expect anything of you, Robin," Castiel assures, digging a vial of blood and a piece of paper with a carefully drawn sigil out of his pocket and setting them down on the coffee table.

"But this affects Ishiah and I did not want anyone hiding anything from you. That sigil, drawn with my blood by an angelic being and a short incantation will damage my grace enough that I should be all but human. If it is not enough to undo any memory I am locked within, it should at least render me easily incapacitated."

He sits back, resting a careful hand on Dean's leg. "You have also mentioned reapers as a potential resource, Ishiah. I would be interested in hearing your opinion."

[priorcommitment]

Ishiah exhales softly as he takes the offered vial of blood and peers down at the sigil drawn. Given the consistency of aged blood, he starts to make calculations on how many times he'd be able to draw the sigil with what's offered. At most, it looks like a couple of times — probably because the hope is that once will be enough.

"Let me know if there's a minimum size that this sigil must be drawn at. I may practice with substances of a similar consistency," Ishiah shares, before glancing up. He sets the vial back on the table and crosses his arms, leaning back and contemplating his answer. "The reapers are not individuals I have engaged much with since arriving. They seem to do their jobs and explore, and I have no desire to interfere with either. But I know that they are capable of creating spaces that can withstand quite a bit of power. I thought it might be an option to ask whether or not they have the space to help contain you, Castiel, until we arrive at a solution."

He pauses for a moment, before raising his chin slightly, question evident in the furrow of his brow. "Castiel, it seems like this spell, while capable of suppressing your power, is not one that would ultimately damage mind and health. Is that correct? Or is there a reason why we aren't immediately turning to its use?"

[always_enduphere]

Dean leaves the explanation of the sigils to Castiel, mulling over the reapers yet again. "I trust Rukia," he confirms, "And I'll go talk to the other one, Urahara."

Like everything else, the decision chafes at his nerves, and Dean feels his hand being forced yet again, feet dragged from a path he's comfortable with towards one of uncertainty. He's been curious what the mysterious reaper could do for him for some time - he'd like more time to think about what being shinigami means, but it's clear that Dean doesn't have it.

Not if they're already talking about worst case scenarios. "See what he's willing to do for us."

[godless_son]

Castiel's brow furrows as he wonders precisely what Dean's connection to these reapers are but it is a question for another time.

"Just a few weeks ago Mike would have died without the intervention of my grace. That is why I'm not ready to be 'powered down' just yet," he says, hands carefully clasped. " I do not know what lasting damage there might be to my grace but my mind and vessel ought to withstand it just fine. I trust that you and Dean have a measure of faith in these reapers. Are you amenable, Ishiah?"

[goodfella]

Robin rests his face in his hands and gives a long, tired breath. A situation like this only throws into relief what Robin already knows -- that when a situation calls for strengths, and not guile, he is hopelessly outclassed. Still, Ishiah is his own partner, and that's what keeps him in the room and listening. He only wishes that Ishiah would have brought whiskey, and not water.

"And in a few weeks, Dean could die because of it," he points out. Maybe he isn't quite getting it because he has no powers as such of his own; nor any greed, like Hobgoblin's, to get ahold of them. "That is the only way Ishiah can look at it. You can't expect a peri to feel any other way. I'm sure that he will do whatever he can to help you, including abide by your wishes, in this case. But that doesn't mean that your decision is justified. I'll be upfront If it were me, if it were my memories threatening to take over, to turn me back into ... just, if it were me, I'd have found a healer, and I'd have had him put a kill-switch in my brain. I'd have rather died. But I've lived a long life. And a good one."

[priorcommitment]

When Robin pipes up, Ishiah takes the opportunity to briefly rub his fingers against the ache in his brow, furrowed too long without relief. Robin's put a good voice to everything that Ishiah weighs in his mind right now, and it draws a curious distinction between himself and Castiel. With Mike, with the kitten some months ago, Castiel seems to place a strong value in the immediate and present sustenance of life.

It's a far cry from the strictly utilitarian view Ishiah has always had.

"Death is far from the worst possible outcome," he says, voice softer than before. "In fact, it is one of the most natural outcomes that exists. What needs to be maintained, however, is a balance. Life must be able to sustain itself on the whole. That's how I'm looking at it. I will work within your wishes however I can, but that is a consideration I only make because I consider you friends."

Pressing his hand briefly to his lips, Ishiah exhales. "Let me speak with Urahara Kisuke. I've yet to do so directly. My inclination to trust him is both because Dean has had a good experience with the other reaper, and because... there is a certain kind of wisdom that comes with dealing in death."

[godless_son]

Castiel's eyes drop closed at Robin's words, not trusting the treacherous way they sting. There are parts of being human that have lingered and he wishes emotional volatility were not one of them.

He nods at them both, feeling suddenly unmoored and uncertain when an hour ago he'd felt confident in what he'd wanted to do. He wants to look to Dean to know if he is truly doing the wrong thing, if he ought to hand over his own 'kill-switch' but he has caused this mess. It's not for Dean to clean up.

"I appreciate your help, Ishiah, and your council, Robin," he manages, steeling himself before opening his eyes.

"I truly do. I will return soon and we can practice the incantation you will require.

[always_enduphere]

Dean curls his hand against Castiel's nape, squeezing once before he levers himself to standing. Blood rushes to his head, and with it, all the things they're not saying.

Castiel may very well choose a road without Dean if he thinks it safest, just as Dean may well choose to save him no matter the cost. They both know it, and there's no point in arguing, and certainly not in front of Ishiah and Robin.

He holds out his hand to pull Castiel up with him. "Thanks," he echoes.