For Neil

[godless_son]

He is not certain what gift is appropriate to bring when checking on a friend's recently charred, newly human husband.

Humans bring something called casserole in the movies when there is illness but Castiel is an atrocious cook and he doesn't know what that is.

So, the houseplant.

He knocks, wondering belatedly if he ought to have called first but deciding that at least he has stopped entering without permission.

"Neil," he calls through the door. "Are you there? It's Castiel."

Comments

[likeaplanet]

I don't really have any time to react. I hit the floor, cheek slamming against the hardwood -- God, why don't more people have carpet in kitchens? -- the taste of blood instantaneous on my tongue.

There's a knee at my back, and my brain just won't catch up... 'cause that's Cas' knee and why?

I cry out, and I'm not helpless, not usually, but he's so much stronger than me and he's got me pinned. I'm fucked.

"Cas, get off me. What the fuck are you doin', it's me," I growl, trying not to sound fucking terrified, like I am, 'cause I feel like I'm half a second away from being incinerated.

[godless_son]

He moves his hand down to grip at the man's neck, fingers ready to crush before he hears his name. No, not his name, he hears Cas. That is not correct, he is Castiel Angel of the Lord and the only people who do not address him as such....

"Neil," he gasps as the room slides back into focus. He throws himself off, back hitting the cabinets as he tries to get away. "Neil, I'm..." he trails off, choking on his words as he wipes at his face.

[likeaplanet]

"Ow," I groan, shifting to try and peel myself up off the floor, tonguing at my split lip and cutting my palm on a shard of glass.

Wheezing out a weak cough, I sit up, a little wobbly and a whole lot confused, and then turn to face him.

"Cas... what... the fuck," I say for like the hundredth time, sitting back on my heels as I try and catch my breath. There's blood running down my cheek, and I can feel the stinging ache in my cheekbone, and I just...

This all went south really quick.

[godless_son]

He's bleeding, Neil is bleeding and bruised and it is all Castiel's doing. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment as he instantly hears 'kill switch' before slowly raising a hand.

"I need to tell you something," he murmurs, wide, watery eyes fixed on Neil's split lip. "Can I heal you? I promise I won't hurt you."

[likeaplanet]

It's like a switch is flipped. Literally. Everything about him seems different. Two seconds ago he was mindless, dangerous, and now... Now he's just Cas.

"What the fuck's goin' on?" I ask, and maybe it's stupid, but I crawl toward him, because I know him, I trust him, and it's hard for me to fathom ever really being afraid of him.

Still, I don't just launch myself at him for a fuckin' hug and an apology. I go cautiously, watching for any indication of that caged-animal look in his eyes.

[godless_son]

"Repressed memories are surfacing," he whispers, holding himself perfectly still. He will make no move towards Neil without express permission. "Violent memories. Things they had programmed me to do. They're starting to bleed through. Literally. Neil, I'm so sorry."

[likeaplanet]

"They? Who the fuck're you talkin' about?" I say, shuffling closer and with a resigned sigh, I reach out to smudge my thumb across his cheek, trying to help get rid of some of the blood. All it really does it smear it worse, though.

[godless_son]

"The angels," he gasps, head smacking into the cabinet as he jerks away from Neil's touch. "The angels who have always been in charge. They program us, I didn't understand the extent but I am remembering. I should have warned you."

[likeaplanet]

Pulling my hand away with a frown, I sit back on my heels, tonguing at the still bleeding cut on my lip.

"So, what, this is like some kind of fuckin' software glitch?"

[godless_son]

Castiel opens his mouth to explain, to explain the infinite and complicated details before letting out a pained sigh.

"Yes," he says with a short nod. "I am...malfunctioning. Neil, can I heal you? I am so sorry I didn't tell you."

[likeaplanet]

"Yeah, come 'ere," I say, gesturing for him to come closer.

There's shit he's still not telling me, but I get the sense that it's not 'cause he wants to hide it, but that he's not sure I'd understand. At this point, I don't think he's wrong.

"You should've, man... If the girls had been here..."

[godless_son]

Castiel's raised hand falters as he shuffles near. "You are right," he murmurs, face stricken as he realizes he'd not even considered the danger to the girls.

He carefully presses two fingers to Neil's forehead, pushing through just enough grace to heal the damage he'd caused. "Don't let them near me until I have figured out what to do. It was endlessly selfish of me not to think about them."

[likeaplanet]

He presses his fingers to my forehead, and a warm, tingly feeling radiates out from that point, and not only does the pain go away, but it brings with it a deeper calm.

I let out a breath and I nod, 'cause there's no fuckin' way they're coming anywhere near him while this is a problem.

"Can you deal with this? You and Dean?"

[godless_son]

"No," he admits, waving a hand and setting the kitchen to right.

"But we are taking precautions in case I become too unstable. Ishiah is involved as well as a reaper. It's a back-up plan, I suppose. Dean says it's not the same as a kill switch."