For Neil

[godless_son]

He is not certain what gift is appropriate to bring when checking on a friend's recently charred, newly human husband.

Humans bring something called casserole in the movies when there is illness but Castiel is an atrocious cook and he doesn't know what that is.

So, the houseplant.

He knocks, wondering belatedly if he ought to have called first but deciding that at least he has stopped entering without permission.

"Neil," he calls through the door. "Are you there? It's Castiel."

Comments

[likeaplanet]

Getting up from the couch, laptop left open on the coffee table, along with a half-eaten bag of Cheetos and a beer, I wipe my hands off on my jeans and shove Max out of the way so I can open the door.

"Since when do you knock?" I grin, arching a brow at the plant he's holding in his arms.

[godless_son]

"I am learning," he states, shoving the plant into Neil's hands. "I am here to check up on your emotional well being. After Mike's...accident. That may have been traumatizing. I'm checking."

[likeaplanet]

Coughing a laugh, I gesture for him to come inside and then carry the plant into the kitchen, since the counter gets a lot of light.

"I'm okay. Tired, you know? But okay."

[godless_son]

"And what do your children think is going on?" he asks, looking around the house without shame as he peers closely at everything. He likes this house, very much. He would like a house.

"Can they tell a difference?"

[likeaplanet]

"They know Daddy's better," I say, heading back toward the living room and gesturing for him to follow. "I mean, it was kinda impossible for them not to notice somethin' was up, when he couldn't go out in the sunlight anymore."

I collapse on the couch, leaving room for him to sit next to me.

"They know you helped. They actually made you thank you cards, but they're upstairs."

I'm too fuckin' lazy to go up and get 'em.

[godless_son]

"I will put them on our refrigerator," he promises with utmost solemnity before settling himself on the couch. "Neil, next time something like this happens, please call me. Even if I'm not needed, I can act as...back up. It's the reason I took the grace back."

[likeaplanet]

"I know, man. We just... It was really fuckin' stupid, but we felt like we needed to do it on our own," I admit, scrubbing a hand over my face.

"I'm kinda countin' on something like that not happenin' again, any time soon."

[godless_son]

Castiel feels uncertain that Neil ought to count on any such thing but decides to keep it to himself, pinching his nose at an odd ache behind his eyes.

"Neil, would you mind if I got myself a glass of water? Flying over here seems to have taken more out of me than I anticipated. It's been a few days since I've needed to sleep, perhaps I ought to try tonight."

[likeaplanet]

"Yeah, whatever, man. You want me to grab it?" I ask, lifting my head to look at him. Cas is always in various states of ruffled, the backwards tie and wrinkled coat and five o'clock shadow, but he does seem unusually strained.

Huh.

[godless_son]

"No, thank you, I will get it," he murmurs, walking into their kitchen. He would like a kitchen like this, he thinks as he pours himself a glass. It is open and warm in a way he thinks Dean would like.

"Does Mike mind..." he asks, trailing off as blood starts to pour out of the spout. It runs thick and slow and it is going to stain their beautiful kitchen.

[likeaplanet]

"Mind what?" I call, my head lolling against the back of the couch and my eyes sliding shut, not really sleepy or anything, just loose and relaxed.

[godless_son]

He startles, sending the glass shattering to the floor as his head starts to pound. The bloods soaks up to his elbows, bodies strewn all about Neil's kitchen. He remembers how each of them died, by his hand. Some screamed and some were silent.

His breath goes rapid as he starts to panic, blood running down his face. They will come for him. They will come for him and make him forget. They will make him do it again.

[likeaplanet]

"Cas?" I call, sitting upright when I hear something shatter in the kitchen, "What happened, man?"

I cough out a laugh, a little knot of wariness coiling in the pit of my stomach when he doesn't answer. "You okay?" I ask, getting up and walking into kitchen to check on him.

He's just... standing there, horrified, staring down at his own hands, glass glittering on the floor at his feet. And his eyes...

"Jesus Christ, man," I say, stopping myself just short of hurrying toward him, because there's glass everywhere and my feet are bare. I reach toward him, instead, trying to get him to come toward me. "What's goin' on?"

[godless_son]

They're here for him.

He grabs at the nearest arm, quickly and efficient sweeping at his captors legs and slamming him face first to the ground. He kneels on his back, other hand grabbing at the man's hair, ready to strike.

[likeaplanet]

I don't really have any time to react. I hit the floor, cheek slamming against the hardwood -- God, why don't more people have carpet in kitchens? -- the taste of blood instantaneous on my tongue.

There's a knee at my back, and my brain just won't catch up... 'cause that's Cas' knee and why?

I cry out, and I'm not helpless, not usually, but he's so much stronger than me and he's got me pinned. I'm fucked.

"Cas, get off me. What the fuck are you doin', it's me," I growl, trying not to sound fucking terrified, like I am, 'cause I feel like I'm half a second away from being incinerated.

[godless_son]

He moves his hand down to grip at the man's neck, fingers ready to crush before he hears his name. No, not his name, he hears Cas. That is not correct, he is Castiel Angel of the Lord and the only people who do not address him as such....

"Neil," he gasps as the room slides back into focus. He throws himself off, back hitting the cabinets as he tries to get away. "Neil, I'm..." he trails off, choking on his words as he wipes at his face.

[likeaplanet]

"Ow," I groan, shifting to try and peel myself up off the floor, tonguing at my split lip and cutting my palm on a shard of glass.

Wheezing out a weak cough, I sit up, a little wobbly and a whole lot confused, and then turn to face him.

"Cas... what... the fuck," I say for like the hundredth time, sitting back on my heels as I try and catch my breath. There's blood running down my cheek, and I can feel the stinging ache in my cheekbone, and I just...

This all went south really quick.

[godless_son]

He's bleeding, Neil is bleeding and bruised and it is all Castiel's doing. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment as he instantly hears 'kill switch' before slowly raising a hand.

"I need to tell you something," he murmurs, wide, watery eyes fixed on Neil's split lip. "Can I heal you? I promise I won't hurt you."

[likeaplanet]

It's like a switch is flipped. Literally. Everything about him seems different. Two seconds ago he was mindless, dangerous, and now... Now he's just Cas.

"What the fuck's goin' on?" I ask, and maybe it's stupid, but I crawl toward him, because I know him, I trust him, and it's hard for me to fathom ever really being afraid of him.

Still, I don't just launch myself at him for a fuckin' hug and an apology. I go cautiously, watching for any indication of that caged-animal look in his eyes.

[godless_son]

"Repressed memories are surfacing," he whispers, holding himself perfectly still. He will make no move towards Neil without express permission. "Violent memories. Things they had programmed me to do. They're starting to bleed through. Literally. Neil, I'm so sorry."

[likeaplanet]

"They? Who the fuck're you talkin' about?" I say, shuffling closer and with a resigned sigh, I reach out to smudge my thumb across his cheek, trying to help get rid of some of the blood. All it really does it smear it worse, though.

[godless_son]

"The angels," he gasps, head smacking into the cabinet as he jerks away from Neil's touch. "The angels who have always been in charge. They program us, I didn't understand the extent but I am remembering. I should have warned you."

[likeaplanet]

Pulling my hand away with a frown, I sit back on my heels, tonguing at the still bleeding cut on my lip.

"So, what, this is like some kind of fuckin' software glitch?"

[godless_son]

Castiel opens his mouth to explain, to explain the infinite and complicated details before letting out a pained sigh.

"Yes," he says with a short nod. "I am...malfunctioning. Neil, can I heal you? I am so sorry I didn't tell you."

[likeaplanet]

"Yeah, come 'ere," I say, gesturing for him to come closer.

There's shit he's still not telling me, but I get the sense that it's not 'cause he wants to hide it, but that he's not sure I'd understand. At this point, I don't think he's wrong.

"You should've, man... If the girls had been here..."

[godless_son]

Castiel's raised hand falters as he shuffles near. "You are right," he murmurs, face stricken as he realizes he'd not even considered the danger to the girls.

He carefully presses two fingers to Neil's forehead, pushing through just enough grace to heal the damage he'd caused. "Don't let them near me until I have figured out what to do. It was endlessly selfish of me not to think about them."

[likeaplanet]

He presses his fingers to my forehead, and a warm, tingly feeling radiates out from that point, and not only does the pain go away, but it brings with it a deeper calm.

I let out a breath and I nod, 'cause there's no fuckin' way they're coming anywhere near him while this is a problem.

"Can you deal with this? You and Dean?"

[godless_son]

"No," he admits, waving a hand and setting the kitchen to right.

"But we are taking precautions in case I become too unstable. Ishiah is involved as well as a reaper. It's a back-up plan, I suppose. Dean says it's not the same as a kill switch."