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Castiel does not do well with a lack of control. He is unsure how much of this is his own personality (he is not entirely sure what that personality even is, having only contemplated having one for a short number of years) and how much is part of the hardware he was built with as an Angel of the Lord.
Regardless, he does not deal well with uncertainty and his enthusiasm for seeking out Rukia's help in exploring not only his power but also that he does not understand has surprised him. He attributes it largely to Dean, who was brave (and perhaps reckless) enough to seek out his own limitations not long ago. Rukia's power is one he does not understand. She is not a ghost, per se and there is a stillness and a finesse on top of a great power that he lacks. It is fascinating and he marvels yet again how small his world has grown, how small he has managed to make himself to fit inside this body at the same time everything he thought he could be or comprehend continues to grow.
He hesitates outside of Urahara's shop, the only part of this exercise he is not looking forward to lies underneath. What he remembers of being held down there is distorted, the hallucinations and the real thing blending. He has tried to forget the blood and pain that he caused but he hopes it does not look as he remembers. Dean has tried to explain to him the changeable nature of the place. He hopes it looks radically different.
Regardless, he does not deal well with uncertainty and his enthusiasm for seeking out Rukia's help in exploring not only his power but also that he does not understand has surprised him. He attributes it largely to Dean, who was brave (and perhaps reckless) enough to seek out his own limitations not long ago. Rukia's power is one he does not understand. She is not a ghost, per se and there is a stillness and a finesse on top of a great power that he lacks. It is fascinating and he marvels yet again how small his world has grown, how small he has managed to make himself to fit inside this body at the same time everything he thought he could be or comprehend continues to grow.
He hesitates outside of Urahara's shop, the only part of this exercise he is not looking forward to lies underneath. What he remembers of being held down there is distorted, the hallucinations and the real thing blending. He has tried to forget the blood and pain that he caused but he hopes it does not look as he remembers. Dean has tried to explain to him the changeable nature of the place. He hopes it looks radically different.
