Castiel clutches at Dean's hands, angling himself back to stare at wide, green eyes. He has to close his own for a moment, overwhelmed, before letting out a fortifying breath.
"I have only been in possession of feelings, actual feelings and attempting to express them for a handful of years so forgive me if I don't say this correctly," he starts, opening his eyes to stare unblinkingly. "Dean, as you well know, I am very old. I have existed for longer than I can explain and for all but a handful of years I did not have an identity, not really. When I tried to have one, they took it away many times over and I never questioned it, any of it, until I first saw you. Everything changed for me the first time I laid eyes on you because you were so bright and so good despite all that had happened. You are still just as bright and good and I watch you try so hard where lesser men would have folded and I am in awe of you and I never knew," he falters for a moment, glancing over at their guests before looking back at Dean as he tries to compose himself.
"I never knew I had the capacity to care much less love. I wasn't supposed to. You changed that; you changed me for the better. I am supposed to be a force of celestial intent, immortal and powerful and lonely and a part of something incomprehensibly large but all I want is to be here, inhabiting this limited form. All I want is to live with you and grow old someday with you and to end life with you and be in our house and with our friends and learn every day that it's somehow possible to love you more than I had the day before. You are unspeakably good to me and I love you so much and I will spend the rest of our long life together trying to make sure you know that."
He stops there, a little breathless as he waits with eyes wide, looking to Dean to try and figure out if that was okay.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-10-03 12:38 am (UTC)"I have only been in possession of feelings, actual feelings and attempting to express them for a handful of years so forgive me if I don't say this correctly," he starts, opening his eyes to stare unblinkingly. "Dean, as you well know, I am very old. I have existed for longer than I can explain and for all but a handful of years I did not have an identity, not really. When I tried to have one, they took it away many times over and I never questioned it, any of it, until I first saw you. Everything changed for me the first time I laid eyes on you because you were so bright and so good despite all that had happened. You are still just as bright and good and I watch you try so hard where lesser men would have folded and I am in awe of you and I never knew," he falters for a moment, glancing over at their guests before looking back at Dean as he tries to compose himself.
"I never knew I had the capacity to care much less love. I wasn't supposed to. You changed that; you changed me for the better. I am supposed to be a force of celestial intent, immortal and powerful and lonely and a part of something incomprehensibly large but all I want is to be here, inhabiting this limited form. All I want is to live with you and grow old someday with you and to end life with you and be in our house and with our friends and learn every day that it's somehow possible to love you more than I had the day before. You are unspeakably good to me and I love you so much and I will spend the rest of our long life together trying to make sure you know that."
He stops there, a little breathless as he waits with eyes wide, looking to Dean to try and figure out if that was okay.