For Dean

[godless_son]

"I still think that given the chance for a re-match, I would have won," Castiel points out, leaning his head out the window just a bit to let the blessedly cool night air hit his face. They'd decided to take the car, as none of the activities that Castiel had planned would benefit from Dean being either nauseated or constipated and it is a very nice night, besides. It is cooler than they've had recently and it will rain sometime in the next few days. As much as he misses the vivid sensations that humanity lends, he does not miss sweating. It is highly unpleasant.

"That Jersey Devil could have easily been a large bird for as hysterical as people get over urban legends and technically it only skirted the perimeter of the property. It certainly did not feel like a Jersey Devil, anyway, despite my inaccuracy.

The house itself, however, had been proven by and large clean of the supernatural and was well loved by generations of families. Castiel would very much like to have such a home with Dean, although he is doing his best not to push. Dean Winchester, for all that he gives and gives to Castiel, is not one to be pushed.

Comments

[always_enduphere]

"Cas," exhales Dean, but he makes no further protest. Decades are impossible, but it's such a nice thought. He doesn't let himself veer into fantasy - it's folly at best, suicide at worst, but standing in what could be their backyard, Dean can almost let himself dream.

"Okay," he says, ducking his chin to find Castiel's hem and tug his shirt over his head. "But I'm not doing a rocking chair."

[godless_son]

Castiel's mouth presses into a thin line as he watches Dean's face, pliant for the moment as he is undressed.

He knows Dean does not believe in that future and he understands why but it does not change what he feels. He simply has faith in the strongest sense that it will happen. Dean will go grey and Castiel will fall and catch up with him and they will grow old.

"I don't know what's wrong with a rocking chair," he wonders aloud as he reaches out to tug Dean's jeans off his hips. "We could get a porch swing, instead. We could get over-sized, durable lawn furniture and have sex in it, as well."

[always_enduphere]

"No one has sex in lawn furniture," says Dean with a soft laugh. "Me having sex on the ground is pushing my knees as it is, and don't forget it. Not everybody's some kind of Ultralast vessel sex machine."

He steps out of his jeans, gaze sweeping over Castiel in the faint light of evening. "Not that I don't appreciate the benefits."

[godless_son]

"Your sexual prowess is very impressive, Dean," Castiel assures, waving a hand to divest Dean of his shirt before going to his knees and using his hands to slowly pull down Dean's underwear. "But perhaps it is fortunate that if I need to, I easily support you in any way you desire. For the sake of your knees, of course."

[always_enduphere]

"I'll let you know," Dean laughs, tucking a hand through Castiel's dark hair. "Hey," he says, making a decision within himself as his gaze flicks towards his jeans. "Can you hand me those a sec?"

[godless_son]

"Of course," he murmurs, wondering if he ought to point out that the lube is in fact in his own pants pocket.

He hands them over and settles back, running his thumbs along the pronounced bow in Dean's thighs.

[always_enduphere]

As Dean roots through his front pockets, it occurs to him that there's probably a better place and time than barefoot in the grass with his dick out, but what the hell. This time tomorrow they might both be dead, and he's left enough things in his life unfinished. He won't let this one be the same if he can help it.

"The, uh," Dean says, fingers landing on what he's after, "The bank guys said we'd get better credit if we do this - " His free hand forms air quotes, " - the right way, or whatever. But they're probably right."

Pulling his hand out, Dean holds out a simple thick, gold band. It's not even an engagement ring, but no one really knew what to tell him when he'd said it was for a man, so a wedding band will have to do. "I can't promise you much," he says, cheeks coloring. "Just that I'll do my best to do right by you. If you want."

[godless_son]

Castiel simply stares wide eyed for several long moments, studying Dean's flushed face before tugging him down to the blanket.

"I don't know if I am interpreting this correctly," he says in a cautious tone. It's nothing he'd ever even considered for himself and it's not how it seems to be done in the movies and shows that he's seen. "Are you proposing marriage? For a better credit rate?"

[always_enduphere]

"Yeah," says Dean, "I mean, no, not just - " Pulling his hand back, Dean curls his own fingers nervously through the ring. "I just think - if we're doing this, we could do it right. I owe it to you to at least trying to do it right, even if I'm - "

Breaking off again, Dean looks back at the house. "Even if I can't stop thinking I'm gonna lose all this before I even get it."

[godless_son]

Castiel reaches out, covering Dean's hand with his own, making no move to take the ring just yet.

"Dean," he says softly, "aside from what you feel you owe me, is this what you want? Simply being with you in any context is enough to make me happy and I understand this to be a very serious step in a relationship. Are you asking me to marry you because you want to be married to me?"

[always_enduphere]

"I think so," says Dean, and the ring feels too big now in his palm, too big and too stupid, and of course he's fucked this up, he's not even wearing pants. "I don't want anybody else. I don't want anything else, just - "

Dean shrugs, helpless and dumb. "I just want this. I'm not even - I can't give you much." Dimly, he's aware that he's meant to be telling Castiel what he does want, but Dean has no idea. Castiel, a safe place, some measure of quietude - the list seems too small, too simple - it doesn't make any sense that getting married could make it any less ridiculous.

"Let's just do the house," he says, pushing his hand back into his pocket. "I'm sorry. Stuff like this is for other people. Sorry."

[godless_son]

"Oh," he breathes, pulling his hand away as Dean abruptly shoves the ring back in his jeans.

"I was going to say yes."

He sits back on his heels, unsure what to say. Perhaps Dean is right and it is not something for them. It is certainly not something he'd ever considered...but he finds himself disappointed. He would have said yes.

"The house is also good."

[always_enduphere]

Dean nods, holding his jeans in his hands before he sighs and sits down on the blanket, running a hand through his hair. "I would've been glad to hear it," he says, not unkindly, watching his own bare feet with a sigh.

"Forgot whose life I was living for a minute there. Lately, it's like..." He looks up, through the leaves overhead and into the slow wheeling night sky. "The world doesn't feel as small lately. Like I'm less boxed in." He looks back at Cas.

"The house is good. It's plenty."

[godless_son]

Castiel nods, surprised by how fiercely he wishes he could go back and change this, just say 'yes' outright. It is silly to be so disappointed at losing something he'd never even considered, especially when he still has all of this.

"I think it could fit into our life," he says quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't respond as you meant for me to, I was surprised. But I love you and I do want this house, that is quite a lot more than I could have imagined not long ago."

[always_enduphere]

"It's a lot," says Dean, smiling faintly. "More than I imagined ever getting. Don't apologize." Rolling his jeans up, Dean tucks them beneath his head and lies back, the miserable squirming in his gut finally settling into something manageable. "I fucked it up, it was just a - just an idea, anyway."

[godless_son]

"Don't throw the ring away?" he asks, settling down on his stomach, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist. "It's not a bad idea, I don't think. Don't get rid of it."

He closes his eyes, squirming over to rest his chin on Dean's chest. Perhaps it is not for them, but the idea of it is now there. The idea of making it as permanent and official as a human can manage makes sense to him for the first time, now that it was offered to him. Perhaps it means nothing in the eyes of God or Angels, but it certainly means something very special here where he has chosen to make his home.

[always_enduphere]

Dean cards his fingers through Castiel's hair, forever tufted no matter how he tries to smooth it down, so Dean sets to crafting new peaks. Just this, just lying here, it's better than anything he's dared to hope for - when he'd said the house was plenty, he could have said it's a goddamn miracle, and Dean settles all the more.

"Okay," he says at length, running his hand down Castiel's still clothed back next, finally attempting to lighten the mood by squeezing his ass when he reaches it.

"Think we got a little off track."

[godless_son]

Castiel grins and rubs his rough cheeks against Dean's belly before throwing a leg over to straddle him. "I plan to follow through with my earlier promise."

His hands flex against Dean's chest, taking a deep breath. "Take my clothes off."

[always_enduphere]

Dean hums and sets his fingers to Castiel's buttons, dragging his fingertips along every new inch of skin revealed. "Wearing a buttondown shirt to a sex date," he murmurs, tugging the last so hard it pops off and onto the blanket beside them. "It's like you're trying to drive me crazy."

[godless_son]

"I wanted to look nice for you," Castiel says, breath hitching at Dean's impatience. He keeps his eyes fixed on Dean as he helps to slide the shirt off his shoulders, hips flexing unconsciously as he waits for the next part. "I want you to like how I look."

[always_enduphere]

"Cas, I'd like you in a damn sack," Dean replies, a furrow between his brows as he pops the button on Castiel's jeans, dragging the zipper down so he can grab him through his boxers.

"There we go," he murmurs appreciatively, Castiel's length hot and straining against his hand even through the cloth. "You sure you don't want my mouth a bit?"

[godless_son]

Castiel is, despite everything, still an Angel of the Lord. He is grace and power barely contained in a vessel, he has wings and Dean Winchester is the only thing that can reduce him back down to this body in a way he greatly misses.

He has no control of the noise that's punched out of him or the way his hips roll and eyes widen. It should be disgraceful but it is everything he wants.

"I want to fuck you, I want to last. Dean, pull them down," he gasps, raising onto his knees and pulling out the lube.

[always_enduphere]

"These?" Dean asks, even as he hooks his fingers in the hem of Castiel's boxers and hauls them down, wrapping his fingers skin to skin around him in the same breath. "You better hurry up then," he says, "Because I'm getting ideas down here."

[godless_son]

Castiel grunts, curling in on himself at Dean's touch before he manages to pull away. He waves impatiently, divesting himself of his remaining clothing before running a hand up the bow of Dean's leg. "Turn over, now," he growls. "On your hands and knees."

[always_enduphere]

"Bossiest angel in the garrison," grunts Dean, but he's already breathless at the gravel in Castiel's voice, turning to pull himself up on his hands and knees. As expected, his right knee protests, but Dean huffs down at it, determined to enjoy himself regardless.

"C'mon," he says, tilting his hips. "Ain't getting any younger down here."