For Dean - BEES

[godless_son]

It is interesting, with the advantage of hindsight, to look back on this night one year prior. He remembers feeling jealous, not that he recognized it at the time, of the couples around him. He felt irritated at the attention (the perfectly normal attention) Dean paid to others and a restlessness that he could not figure out how to quell. Hindsight is embarrassing.

Now, with an arm wrapped around Dean's waist, listening to the crowd begin their countdown, he cannot believe how much life can change in only one year. One year out of thousands is a blink of an eye and yet it has been the most defining time in his very long life.

That is not to say that the massive effigy waiting to be lit is not disturbing, because it is, but he finds himself grinning stupidly over at Dean, admiring his flushed face and readying himself to kiss him precisely at midnight.

Comments

[always_enduphere]

"Tired," Dean admits, relaxing into the cradle of Castiel's body. It's easier now to ignore the many burning points of pain, stings lighting up his skin like the strike of tiny meteors.

"Easier to think, though," he says. "Sorry, this really isn't - " Dean huffs a laugh. "Definitely isn't the night you wanted."

[godless_son]

Castiel smiles against Dean's cheek, hand settling on his belly as he continues to warm him, more slowly now that Dean's heart rate has risen just enough to allow it.

"I'd imagine it is not what either of us had in mind, although it seems fitting to ring in a new year with a near death experience," Castiel says softly, stretching his legs out alongside Dean's. "Someday, perhaps, it will not be this way. I am hopeful."

[always_enduphere]

"I'd say not while we're in Darrow," says Dean, head tipped back to look at him, back arched to press himself into Castiel's blissfully warm hand. "But it's not like we ever caught a break at home, either."

[godless_son]

Castiel hums thoughtfully, as he drops a kiss to Dean's neck.

"I still have hope," he murmurs, staring down at Dean's pale face. "One day I will choose to be human with you and it will be a decision we are both comfortable with. Perhaps we'll get a house with a porch, something smaller than Mike and Neil's, maybe something older. We could get another dog for Annie to play with. Perhaps none of it will happen, but I like to think about it."

[always_enduphere]

"It makes nights like these easier," says Dean, as close as he's ever come to admitting that he does think about it - the future, the distant possibility of safety and comfort and a lasting, enduring peace.

Shifting, he pulls Castiel's hand to the center of his chest, where he feels the worst of the cold still sinking into his skin. "At least one more dog. Can't have more cats than dogs."

[godless_son]

"We will definitely need a house if we are to be outnumbered two to one," he laughs, thumb sweeping along Dean's collarbone as he presses his fingers to his chest.

"It would have a way to shelter the Impala and I would like a garden. I do not actually know how to garden but regardless, I could try. I think it should be white or blue."